Our word for the day was “cleave” – a confusing, undefinable word, rendered clear at last when ended with “age”.

If Lora were a professor, I would be terrified of her final exams – her numerous table topic speakers Katy, Keith, Heather, Gina and Carol did the “Brookover Table Trot” – the delicate art of taking the long way around the table at a slow enough pace to think up an answer, yet fast enough to not be totally obvious.  Robin and Keith, the quick witted men they are, don’t believe in such silliness and took the quick, short route.

Russell delivered a funny speech titled “It’s in my blood”, about the travails of manly bravado, such as what one should do to a box in the road whilst driving your new truck (e.g. flatten it of course!).  The kicker, though, was not listening to your body, when trying out for the football team, when that small, still voice was trying to warn you about the impending tragedy of ripped muscle.

The tiny house was Louis’ topic, this time with pictures and a powerpoint presentation as he demonstrated the goal of this particular speech of “getting to the point.”  Some of the process seems to be a lesson in the best way to do things – such as not getting screws that are a 1/4 inch too long because they are a pain to install.

The house is indeed tiny (for once marketing hyperbole that is ACCURATE!).  It was nice to finally be able to get an idea of what all is meant by a tiny house.  But, alas, where were the Vibram Five Fingers?

The ribbon winners were easy to pick because of going over-time.

• Best Table Topic: Heather
• Best Speaker: Russell
• Best Evaluator: Leeanne
• Most Enthusiastic: Heather
• Best Use of Humor: Heather

Congratulations to our ribbon winners!

Cynthia urged us to eat organic meat rather than meat produced by its evil, money-hungry, not-at-all-animal-friendly, meat industry monopoly counterpart. And other organic food as well.  We will be healthier if we eat organic, and we will not be supporting politically incorrect business practices.  Cynthia was well organized and most enthusiastic.  Her evaluator Amy pointed out that sadly, even when we know the facts, we still have the tendency to continue to eat what we want to eat.

Keith came to the meeting!  And delivered a speech on UFC: Ultimate Fighting Championship. It’s all about guys getting almost pummeled to death while other guys watch on TV, and it rocks! And it all takes place in The Octagon.  Anything can happen.  Arms can break.  Skulls can get fractured.  And guys love it.  It doesn’t cost a lot of money if you partake of this spectacle at Pluckers.   Louis as Keith’s evaluator gave Keith a hard time about not being committed to one purpose, because it seemed Keith could not decide whether it was an informational speech or a humorous speech.  Keith punched Louis in the nose after the meeting.

Carlos did some great Table Topics.  All the speakers where great.

Congratulations to our ribbon winners!

• Best Table Topic: Robin
• Best Speaker: Cynthia
• Best Evaluator: Amy
• Most Enthusiastic: Keith
• Best Use of Humor: Keith

Brendan is back! Pranks and Practical Jokes was our theme, and the meeting had Brendan’s name written all over it.  Brendan knows how to bring it, especially when he is the Toastmaster.

Rey was our Topic Master.  Corky waxed nostalgic, sharing the old move-the-outhouse-without-telling-the-homeowner trick. Cynthia waxed nostalgic with the old bra-in-the-freezer trick.  Carol described her favorite Practical Jokes and Bloopers TV show film clip, which featured a birthday cake and projectile vomiting. Robert told of having his car hit by someone he thought might have been a practical joker, but he was actually just a horrible driver.  Maria…just what did he Maria do up there?  We may never understand, but we were thoroughly entertained.

Darron did his third wedding speech today, which he felt guilty about, but Stuart pointed out it was a small transgression compared to Brian’s four speeches about magnetic tape.  Darron will be a married man next time we see him.  Go Darron.

Amy glued three table topics together to make a last-minute speech about practical jokes.  Amy offers this tip to other Toastmasters: next time you are at a party and people start telling stories, one after the other, on the same general theme, steal three and turn them into a speech.

Li did a wonderful invocation about laughter, Albert did a wonderful evaluation about himself, and Keith, whatever his role was, managed to shoe-horn in a priceless story about a practical joke his family played on him.

A fine, fine meeting, chock full of vomit, poop, property destruction, and socially unacceptable behavior. Vintage Capital City!

Congratulations to our ribbon winners:

• Best Table Topic: Carol
• Best Speaker: Amy
• Best Evaluator: Stuart
• Most Enthusiastic: Brendan
• Best Use of Humor: Amy

And am I done now?  No. The recap of the May 26 CCTM meeting was LOST as an homage to the finale of the TV show LOST. Highlights are offered here though: Carlos was our Toastmaster, the theme was Gambling and Betting, Carlos is extremely good-looking, Keith got called for a Table Topic even though he was an Evaluator, and we had an excellent Ice Breaker speech from Mark, who is going to do very well at Capital City Toastmasters.  His speech was clever, touching, and hilarious – apparently he is obsessed with goofy movies, and he tortures his family with quote after quote, but they obviously love him all the same. Patrick did an evaluation that brought tears to our eyes it was so motivational and supportive.  Welcome Mark!

See you all next week!

Amy

There must be something about this cold weather – the timekeeper said most of the speakers were “short.”  Even the traditionally longer winded speakers were of few words, moi included.

Albert gave us a preview of what to expect in his Imperial Speech to the Masses.  Brad, you weren’t there today, but you should know that if you are in the market for a new scooter, one will soon be raffled off, as a token of the Emperor’s largesse.  Albert gave a rousing speech, practicing his upcoming media frenzy, and really propelled himself into the moment.

Carol gave her 10th speech and we gave her a well deserved ovation.  The topic was “Bond, James Bond” and she dressed the part.  Her body language from the airport proximity to Pierce Brosnan was amazing.  I want Carol on my team for Pub Trivia Night, for those inevitable James Bond questions.

Maria delivered a handy toast and flowers to Carol to celebrate her milestone.  It was heartfelt, sincere and well done.

Brian was the Table Topics Master and he came prepared with some great questions that will likely become contest questions at some point.  John, Li, and Robbie were his first victims, but then Corky opened it up to the rest of the unspoken Toastmasters due to the rare, abundant extra time.

Ribbon Winners:

• Best Table Topic: Robby
• Best Speaker – Carol
• Most Enthusiasm – Albert
• Best Evaluator – Rey
• Best Humor – Carol

Biscuits was in charge of Table Topics, digging way deep in toastmaster history to pull some repeat questions given to other groups and other speakers.  Biscuits chose the Emperor, the Tarot Reader, and the Goat Whisperer as victims.  The Goat Whisperer didn’t win the ribbon but had some very funny whisperer moments (some would say stroker).  The Tarot Reader drew the right card with the topic of why men are the superior gender, making it clear that the weaker gender has long since thrown in the towel and accepted reality.

Bradleybones ate too much halloween candy and talked about having self control, or the lack thereof.  He preached to the choir on how to improve this aspect of life and essentially precommit to the right option.  The Stanford Marshmallow Experiment showed how children reacted to the temptation of eating a marshmallow versus withholding instant gratification for a larger marshmallow payout.  Many years later, the same children were revisited, showing that the children capable of delayed gratification were more successful and scored higher on standardized tests.  There were some analogies of precommitting to the right option – such as getting an alarm clock without a snooze function if snooze is your problem.  There was a reference to Odysseus and some sirens – I’ll have to pull out my anthology of literature book to figure that one out.  Oh, but that’s not possible, I burned that book when I was done with it.  Long live non English Lit majors!

Melonhead gave a seminar in photography, distilling it down to three easy steps: The art of the “L” and the 1/3rd rule, get off your feet, and fill the foreground.  The 1/3rd gives balance and uses empty space, and the L was demonstrated with a photograph of a violinist – a remarkably calm photograph given the hectic marketplace that our transplanted Texan took.

Muscles gave a technical presentation on backups with convincing reasons to back ‘up them ‘thair data – with amazing tornado footage (you’ve probably seen the footage as well and just didn’t know it was from Muscles).  This is the first installment of a multipart speech, so if you’re not yet convinced of the virtues of appropriate backups, the next video will likely feature a flood or someone using the CD Rom tray as a coffee holder.  Golly.

Samy and Mr. Burns tied for best evaluator.

Biscuits had the best usage of the word of the day, homophone, loose wrist and all.

Ribbon Winners:

• Best Table Topics – Matching Drapes
• Best Speaker – Scooter
• Best Evaluator – Mr. Burns and Samy
• Most Enthusiastic – The Cat’s Pajamas
• Best Use of Humor – Matching Drapes

Erin was Table Topics Master and she let Carol, Robert and Becky duke it out for the ribbon.  It wasn’t much of a fight, though, Robert flubbed, Carol danced and Becky sashayed to victory.  Carol, like everyone knows, is a good dancer, it’s just that when the dance looks like the “aggie chicken dance” there is no way to score a perfect 10.

Louis, John U., and Leif did a triple-tag-team-speech, of the Team Technical Presentation variety.  Louis started off by asking for a volunteer.  Ever the brave Erin, volunteered to start off the pre-Turkey-day-New-Year’s-resolution-making.  (Here’s a tip, Erin, next time be more careful when Louis needs a volunteer, he’s a sly one – I seem to recall him beating up on one of his volunteers [Brian] some time ago).

John led us in a visualization of dealing with a goal that we are procrastinating about.  The process was to envision the goal having just happened, you’re in the euphoria of the victory of the moment, and then work your way back at several points along the path to have gotten there, to envision what it felt like each step of the way.

Leif used Process Oriented Language to demonstrate his point of how to get a diverse group of people into the same boat, by speaking in general terms and allowing the listener to imagine the specifics.  He described strategic usage of pauses to allow the person time to fill in the details on one’s own.  The evaluation of Leif’s contribution emphasized how he usually paints in color, but for the purposes of this speech, painted in black and white.  A very apt description.  Leif uses his whole being in delivering his message with great precision and full effect.

Louis wrapped it up with talking about what maps are: context and comparison.  When envisioning what it takes to get from the present context to a future context, you must know what you want, and place that in the future context.

Since Robbie wasn’t here this week, I’ll use a baseball analogy: Corky knocked it out of the ballpark with his triple whammy!

Ribbon Winners

• Best Table Topic – Becky
• Best Speaker – Leif
• Best Evaluator – Corky
• Best Humor – Corky
• Most Enthusiastic – Corky

Albert rallied the troops for this meeting as the Toastmaster.  The dynamic was a bit different from normal meetings, as this one began with most everyone sharing a brief dedication to a loved one.  It was clear that the family and friends still serving are greatly missed – the raw pain of distance was just below the surface.

Brendan, Taline, Brian, and Keith were today’s Table Topics brigade.

Becky gave her Ice Breaker speech entitled “Who am I?”  The structure could be distilled down to “who am I” to the different people in her life, from each person’s perspective.  It was a funny speech – a great way to get to know all of her many facets.

Robin used a cream cheese smeared face to get to the stated objective of getting comfortable with visual aids in his speech titled “Keys to a successful theme party.”  Every once in a while a bit of cheese would fall off – I am sure that the resident mouse will soon find it if housekeeping doesn’t get to it first.

Amy did a speech about how much she has come to love DVD commentaries.  I can see how the “inside perspective” can become addictive, to be more connected with the actors, designers, etc.  The only problem, as she brought up, is that regular TV shows don’t offer commentary, hence the title, “I miss the voices.”

Ribbon Winners:

• Best Table Topic – Brian
• Best Speaker – Becky
• Best Evaluator – Robert
• Best Humor – Robin
• Most Enthusiastic – Robin

Robert was in charge of the Table Topics with Robbie, Erin, Taline, Leanne, and Brenda all being called upon.  Though they all did a great job, Taline took Robbie’s bat from him and hit the home run to win the ribbon.

Wendy took us through a fitting seminar of the paranormal, with her speech on the “Mystery of the Tarot.”  We all inspected certain important Tarot cards such as the Fool and the Hanged Man and she explained how a session with a Tarot reader works.

Rey interpreted “Maud Miller” from the reading manual.  Her voice rose and fell, her posture and stance alternated, as befit the different lines and themes.  The outfit was perfect for the theme.

Patrick was probably the grooviest grammarian the club has ever had … and had the outfit to prove it.

Ribbon Winners:

• Best Table Topic:  Taline
• Best Speaker:  Wendy
• Best Evaluator: Robin
• Best Humor:  Amy
• Most Enthusiasm: Patrick

Becky, Li, and Neil left their walkers to take on the Table Topics.  Taline breathed an audible sigh of relief to not be called upon.

Robbie gave his ice breaker speech.  All bases are loaded, it is the ninth inning and he delivered a great speech.  He rounded second base in style when he came into his element and gave up on using the notes.  I bet he won’t need them next time either.  Maybe one of the future happy hours could be done at the Dell Diamond?

Robert gave a speech about his quest to digitize his life, get organized, and de-clutter.  He talked about some of the computer tools available (such as fdupes and yes, in the form of “yes 1 | fdupes -rd /Volume” and how that will kill an entire drive of duplicates).  His digital 2.0 speech was helped with decidedly low tech construction paper but ran into problems as the writing on the mind mapping “slide” was too small to read.  But maybe it was just an example of being on-topic, with “Old People?”

Brad K. gave a humorous speech on “Bicycle Radio Bicycle.”  In my notes I couldn’t help but make a comment about the funny names of the kids in his neighborhood: Duane, Doda, and Shawan.  Brad proved that the romantic benefits of the scooter continue.  When preparing for a date he got involved in helping a neighborhood kid solve the whodunnit of his missing bike and related how dangerous getting involved can be to your own personal possessions, such as the car radio.  Subtle crime hunting tips were given (such as not pointing at the perpetrators as you drive slowly on a scooter through the neighborhood, without a helmet on, which would have helped “mask” your identity).

Ribbon Winners:

• Best Table Topic:  Neil
• Best Speaker: Brad
• Best Evaluator: Amy
• Best Humor: Corky
• Most Enthusiasm: Brad

This week’s victims for Table Topics were Lora, Wendy, Leif, Stuart, and Stacy.

Louis simulated a salary negotiation with Stuart, his boss for the scenario.  It was a 10-12 minute simulation titled “Inner Game Power Negotiating.”  It was an interesting simulation because we have all been there.  Some of us have been successful at such a negotiation and some of us have gone down in flames.  The negotiation was direct and put all the options on the table.  Many were “pie-in-the-sky” options.  Regardless, kudos to Louis for his smooth redirection at each turn of the negotiation, this was where his skill at the negotiation really shone through.  At the end of the negotiation, Louis revealed his negotiation targets and showed how well he had done.

• Best Table Topic: Stuart
• Best Speaker: N/A – went over
• Best Evaluator: N/A – went over
• Best Humor:  Amy
• Most Enthusiasm:  Leif